Possible Darwin Awards Contestants

What do the reindeer talk about while they whizz across the starlit sky? Here’s a little sample.

- Sheesh! What’s he been eating this year? ROCKS?

- He shouts all our names all the time, sure, but do you really think he knows which one is which?

- I never knew Donner had a tattoo THERE!

Finally we’ve discovered them for you: the eight qualities of a perfect boyfriend/husband:

Brave

Intelligent

Gentle

Our college just completed a new three-story building. While walking down a hall on the 2nd floor, I overheard two students say, "I really like the skylights on the 3rd floor." "Me too," remarked the second student. "I don’t know why they didn’t just put some on the 2nd floor too."

My fiddle teacher was teaching a large group class. She showed them her violin and said, "This violin was made in the early 1800s." Someone in the audience raised their hand and asked, "So you got it used?"

A few years back, I was in high school and we were celebrating Holy Week (the week before Easter) and we were watching a presentation on the last few days of Jesus. The teacher used a clip from the movie "Jesus of Nazareth" to make his point. As we were watching Jesus carry his cross, a girl in my class asked, "Is this live footage?"

I work as a computer technician for a large retail chain, servicing customer’s computers. One day I answer the phone, and the Induhvidual asks, "Do you guys sell Ethernet cables?" I said that we do, and he asks, "How much is it?" I asked, "How long do you want it?" He responded, "Um, a while I guess. I want to buy it." I said, "No, I mean how long as in the length of the cable." This elicited total silence on his end, so I informed him that we sell a 7-foot cable for $24.99. He asked, "When do I have to return it?" I told him to keep it as long as he likes.

My Kentuckian sister-in-law’s young daughter recently married a Mexican immigrant. They promptly had their first child. Sometime after the birth, a doctor walked into the recovering mom’s hospital room and mentioned that the baby’s white blood cell count was high. My sister-in-law asked, "Does that mean she will be more white than Mexican?"

While waiting in line at the Delta Gate to get my seat assignment, I overheard an elderly lady in front of me trying to get a seat assignment. When the clerk asked if she wanted a window or aisle seat the old lady exclaimed "OH! Please don’t put me by the window! I just had my hair done!"

While visiting relatives in Oregon I commented to my cousin how much later sunset was compared to my home in California. She said she was surprised, since we both lived the same distance from the ocean. I asked her what the distance from the ocean had to do with it. She said it was because that’s where the sun sets.

A newly hired manager confessed that he was considering getting a second job in order to pay off his wife’s huge cell phone bill. When asked why she went so far over her monthly time allocation, his response was that when she bought her cell phone, they told her that weekends and evening time was free. Since she works an odd schedule -- Sunday through Thursday -- she assumed that Fridays counted as her ’weekend day.’ So she used the phone the entire time as she drove to and from Las Vegas. (4 hours, each direction, at 45 cents per minute.)

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